1. Avoid spending too much time in front of your monitor. It emits dangerous gamma and beta rays - the same photon energy that kill super hero Flash Gordon and test rats in Bohemia. Rest your eyes often and drink plenty of liquids. I'd recommend a light pilsner.

2. Comprehension is critical, so take copious (Does that word sounded perverted to you? It does to me.) notes and post reminders on your refrigerator, checkbook, small pets, and the deodorant shelf.

3. I do follow some conventions on this site. If you read something funny I wrote it.

4. If you read something serious, my wife made me write it. There are two types of people. Those who like to have fun and my wife.

5. When I tell you to write something down - I mean it. Writing causes your hand to cramp, triggering the corticofugal pathways of your brain to associate what you're writing with pain. This, as proven in many Ivy League universities, leads to better memory recall.

6. Practice is paramount. The techniques I'll share will only be beneficial if you're willing to give them your best effort or hire someone who entered this country not by legal means (if you catch my drift) to do them for you.

7. Share your newly-found positive thoughts about this site with those you trust and any convenience store cashier who can count out your change correctly. Talking things through will help mentally solidify the concepts in what scientists now believe is a form of self hypnosis similar to late-night talk shows.

8. Scan the site initially but use it constantly. Bookmark sections you find helpful. Print out pages you like. Heck, print out whole chapters and leave them lying around the house or in the "food court" at your local shopping mall.

9. Keep an open mind while reading some sections due to very controversial and radical approaches described. Don't be afraid. Without major mental anguish, people buy millions of tabloids daily prophesizing the return of aliens from the planet Zilon. How can this site be any worse?

10. Share the site with a friend, close acquaintance, parole officer, or transient you've brought home to do the laundry and some light mending in exchange for food. Send out chain emails with this helpful message, "Don't ignore this email. It was started the same day Elvis died by Tibetan monks using a modem and an abacus and, HAS NEVER BEEN BROKEN. Immediately send this email to 10 people and then visit the site lifestooserious.com. If you break the chain plan of seeing all your worldly wealth shrivel up faster than Rocky Mountain oysters on a barbeque grill." This will be a great demonstration of the power of the Internet. But heck, I didn't invent it, Al Gore did.