Such an innocuous word - at least that's what I thought - but my wife said it wasn't appropriate while playing strip poker. It's the damn English language. Meanings are far too often misunderstood, misconstrued, or misrepresented in a court of law.

Want to set yourself free from your problems? Think outside of yourself. Share what you have with those around you. Unless it's the avian flu or some socially transmitted diease.

There are a lot of theories about what it takes to make us happy. Some point to mass quantities of Mountain Dew, consumption of anything chocolate, power shopping with a no-limit credit card, or building small fires in our neighbor's lawn. Scoff at these but what we do know is that our needs can be broken down into a continuum, from basic physiological to complex spiritual and fulfillment.

This can be found in Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Maslow, a strong proponent of humanist psychology (humans are basically good inside and get screwed up by their environment), theorized that people instinctively sought to satisfy fundamental needs first and then moved on; only making the next step when the existing level needs were satisfied.

Check out the graphic to the right for how this worked. You won't look for job security if you haven't had water in two days. Likewise, your concern about being recognized at work will be ignored if there has been a violent crime committed in your neighborhood.

Gee, all of this is really cool and "boy" don't it look just swell on a resume but what the heck does it have to do with shifting my focus away from myself? Read on.

So as we meet our fundamental needs we look for ways of becoming more fulfilled and that's where we can gain a great boast to our psyche by helping and loving those around us. Maslow identified traits that a person exhibits as she/he becomes more self-actualized:

• They see reality, and knowing "the facts are friendly," they accept reality more than most people.
• They accept themselves and others.
• They are spontaneous with their ideas, feelings, and actions, being genuine and confident.
• They focus on solving problems but their "problems" tend to be outside themselves.
• They resist culturally prescribed roles.
• They enjoy and appreciate the commonplace, the little things in life.
• They feel a kinship, a closeness, a warmth, a concern for every human being.
• They are close to a few people, although not always popular.
• They do not judge others on the basis of stereotypes.
• They are creative and do things differently, not in rebellion but for the joy of being original and talented.

The importance of loving and helping others moves us beyond our own concerns. It liberates us from the worries and stress that can consume us - by focusing our mental processes and behavior toward someone else. Check out this site for more information about how our personalities change - shifting our concerns away from ourselves.

Think about the people you know that have a confident - positive attitude. Most likely they are also the type of folks that reach out and don't seem to be consumed with themselves. As we become more growth-oriented we tend not to see others as "need satisfiers" but look at them more objectively - emphasizing an honest interest in learning more about them. Place acts of kindness and love into your life and the rewards include:

• Being fed with feelings of accomplishment/achievement - leading to a greater sense of self worth.
• Creating ripples that help lead to a happier/healthier workplace, home life, and community.
• Taking your mind off of thoughts about frustration, stress, tension, conflict, struggle, anxiety, depression, inferiority, and other symptoms of psychic pain and replaces them with an incredible motivation to do more "good" to those around you.
• Move you to more actively manage your time. The gratification you receive from helping those around you will compel you to look at the ways you spend your time - prompting a more efficient way of doing things.

Getting started helping and loving those around you doesn't require heroic feats - start out simple and then just hold on. Here are some ideas:

• Put a strip of tape over the mouse ball or optical sensor on a computer mouse.
• Place color dye inside of the shower head. Blue is my favorite.
• Fold a condiment package (ketchup, mustard, etc.) and tape it under the toilet seat.
• Take a tie-wrap and crawl under your victim's car - attaching the tie-wrap around the drive shaft of the car.

Well, actually, those can be great fun but I guess that's not exactly what we're shooting for here. I'm just not as self-actualized as I need to be - my wife says it has to do with maturity - emphasizing her point with liberal use of the word "pathetic". Don't worry, I've risen above it. Wait till she turns on the shower. Here some other ideas you might want to give a try but don't rely on me - makeup a list of your own!!!

Check out my Related Site page for more places to learn about how to help others.

Moving beyond ourselves is not something that we have to do - it's something we must want to do. Give it a try. You'll like it. But for now, just move beyond this page and Go to your happy place..