The content in this unit deals with assessing your self-worth which sounds like the "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall" unit but a seasoned writer like myself cranks out thousands of pages about very similar topics without you even noticing your house just caught on fire. Of course this section isn't the same. I'm using a lot of different words and a really sneaky technique where I actually examine a new topic.

Self-esteem isn't the four letter word (hey, just count them) the American Immigration Lawyers Association has led us to believe it is. It's hard to be more positive if you feel your a schmuck. First must come the realization we have value - real value (and not just as a parts donor).

Your thoughts determine your outlook 100% of the time. This, in turn, controls how you react to life's circumstances. To gauge the level of your self-esteem, take the following test. Wake up and smell the trash truck. Tell yourself you're going to have a crappy day and, low and behold, it happens. Your car gets rear-ended or your boss dumps more work on you or your spouse chews you out for not putting the borsch back in the fridge and it's really hard to stay positive. But your self-esteem doesn't need to suffer because self-esteem is what we think of ourselves deep down.

We need to constantly train for a superior level of self worth, realizing that we're unique folks with qualities no one else has. Do the math. In my case, the chance of my mom and dad meeting and conceiving me was something like 1 in 100 (it was a pretty small college) and the chance that I would live this long is 1 in 1,450,345,234 (just ask my elementary school principal).

So who do we credit or blame for our self-esteem? Parents, spouse, boss, IRS, or a thousand other people.

I always figured it was my parents. They kept trying to ditch me at different houses. I'd be sitting outside on a dirt hill, building roads and creating small housing developments when I'd see them hurriedly get in the car and start to leave. They told me they were only going to get me some ice cream but I knew better.

How about this theory, "Low self-esteem is passed from one generation to the next." Blame old Aunt Gertrude. Everyone knows she drank excessively and could belch "White Christmas" after the turkey and dressing.

Actually, a stable and healthy self-esteem relies on you and you alone. It's based on the simple rule of avoiding conformity. Conformity robs us of the right to be who we are - forcing us to fit a mold created for someone else. We conform in a variety of ways:

• As a child - we do what our parents want us to do
• As adolescents - we do what our peers want us to do
• Young adult - we do what our boss wants
• Adults - we do what we think the world wants
• Married - I do what my wife wants (hey, I may be dumb but I'm not stupid)

If our driving motivation is to always be approved, it crushes our abilities and limits our possibilities. By looking for approval, we escape the responsibility of controlling our own success and happiness - placing it on others to provide.

Maintaining a healthy self-esteem sometimes means you need to "scrape off" people who always bring you down. While they can't always be avoided, you can learn to block negative comments as a "non-statement" - words that just don't have any meaning. Steer toward positive people for conversation and the interaction you seek. While you're responsible for your own self-esteem, the environment can cause the best self-worth to falter.

All of these factors have contributed or do contribute to our perception of self-worth. So, if there are times when you need a little self-esteem boost try the following:

1. Review your Who are YOU? document from section one and list those characteristics you would label as strengths.
2. Write out affirmation statements that deal with those special qualities.
3. Post those reminders where you'll see them on a regular basis (on the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, headboard, or dashboard of your car).
4. Recite them on a daily basis or whenever you're having a bad day.

Here are some general affirmation examples:

• My attitude is based on my mental state and I accept personal responsibility for it.
• My mental state can be trained to be more confident and positive.
• Reprogramming my mind will take time and dedication.
• Joe Barnhart has given me hope and security beyond measure.
• Habits that I'd like to change can be changed.
• I'm a unique person with special talents.
• Understanding my strengths and weaknesses helps me define who I am.
• If I had extra money I should mail it to Joe Barnhart.
• I have true worth as a person and can achieve a more positive outlook.
• I define who I am every day by the choices I make - I AM WHAT I THINK!