Serious skills for serious people (and maybe my mother in-law). I suspect that most of this unit is void of the normal recommendations people read in tabloids like The National Enquirer. Believe what you may, but when it comes to dealing with "laying in the gutter of life" times the bottom line is that it is all up to you (and maybe a little help from a friend).

Most people can't seem to get off the roller coaster of life. But have you noticed how some folks stand up when the ride gets to the top of the highest hill only to hit the sign that states: "For your safety, please remain seated!" Uh, I guess that wasn't really my point. Have you noticed how some folks can always seem to be upbeat - regardless how life's treating them? Call it confidence - positive attitude - prozac - whatever they have, there are ways of getting it and making it work for you.

Everyone has known the feelings of down times:

• Sadness
• Hopelessness
• Loss
• Constipation
• Low self-regard
• Loneliness
• That burning sensation
• Guilt
• Kind of a dry - sticky feeling
• Shame
• Little bumps that kind of tingle when you poke them with a needle

Everyone has times of being "down" or in a bad mood that lasts a few minutes, a few days, or until Uncle Freddy leaves. It may involve crying, social withdrawal, irritability, having no ambition, being pessimistic, certain hand gestures out of a car window while offering a vibrant monologue with the fellow who just cut you off, or just wanting to complain about everything. On the other hand, serious depression is beyond ordinary sadness and is a condition where you may have no appetite, no pleasure, no energy, no hope for months or years. This type of depression needs special help from a professional - definitely beyond the scope of this unit

Training for the cycle of life is very much like training for an athletic event. You have to acquire the proper skill set, the correct attitude, take bunches and bunches of steroids (well, only if you're involved in pro-sports), and the determination to succeed. Working through the low times in a positive way toughens you to more of the same - which there always is.

So, when the depressing times happen or when you're being stressed to the max remember that part in "The Wrath of Khan" when Khan puts the little bug down Chekhov's ear and it takes over his mind. That part always gives me the willies. You really don't have it that bad (unless you get this weird feeling that there's something wiggling around in your ear. Yuck!).

Toughening yourself occurs when you respond positively to peridic exposure of increased mental stress or depression. What we subject ourselves to or what is thrown at us can take place at different levels:

• Comatose - under training - you've controlled all the variables to the point that the world offers very little excitement or stress.
• Custodial - current level - you're exposed to a variety of circumstances but most just deal with keeping up with status quo.
• Challenge - beyond comfort - you've pushed yourself beyond normal limits-like walking up to someone you've been dying to meet and introducing yourself.
• Bombarded - over training - the stress or low feelings you're dealing with are not manageable. Like after the immediate loss of a loved one.

Your Top Coping State (TCS) is that level of your performance where you're willing to take on what's being thrown at you with enthusiasm and motivation. You use the four areas of your behavior, mental processing, skill development, and unconscious reprogramming to reach your TCS and make positive changes. You also evaluate progress and look forward to future challenges. Lacking toughness, you settle for less than maximum potential and live a life destined for mediocrity. Increasing your TSC will make increase your adaptability, keep you focused, and with more energy.
Here are some suggestions for creating your TCS and making it work for you:

Behave differently -

• increase pleasant activities (not big but small)
• avoid upsetting situations
• get more rest and exercise (THIS IS A BIG ONE)
• help others (THIS IS A BIG ONE)
• "scrape off" those that bring you down
• look to the future not dwell on the past
• smile more and act happier - even if you have to force it
• dress nicely and walk with your head up
• vent your anger or sadness by talking to a good friend

• desensitize your sadness to specific situations and memories
• challenge your depressing irrational emotions
• reduce negative self-talk but use affirmation statements
• be more optimistic (focus on strengths) and less pessimistic
• become more accepting and tolerant of yourself
• use failures as a learning process

• social skills (active listening, disclosure techniques, etc.)
• decision-making by being assertive
• self-control to reduce helplessness
• relaxation or mental focusing training

• reprogram yourself by remembering positive times
• learn to block repressed feelings that lead to depression
• increase awareness by monitoring

Check out the last unit on The Puzzle Comes Together to learn about how to put a Change Me program together to get you to increase your TCS (Don't do it now - you have more units to go). It's painless and becomes habit forming. Look for these signs of emotional - mental recovery as you improve on your TCS:

• Increased capacity to expend energy - manage a greater volume of stress
• Increased positive thinking
• Increased feeling of safety and security
• Decreased feeling of pressure
• Increased feeling of self esteem/self worth
• Increased feeling of personal fulfillment
• Broadening of mental focus

Hey, it works! I feel a lot less stress now that I have this unit completed. Kind of a squiggly feeling deep down inside - no, wait - I just have to go to the bathroom.