I Wonder (sung to the tune of the Norwegian nation anthem)

I wonder if horses fart
More than I do
If squeezing the utter
Really makes a cow moo

If togas can cool
A jock itch or two
And why I had no girl friends
Back in high school

Why South African pigmies
Always have weird hairdos
And if most politicians
Should live in a zoo

Is using deodorant
Really worth all the time
Or would it be better
Too smell like pig slime

I wonder if clean clothes
Make women think I'm hot
And why my head fills
In the winter with thick snot

Has our friend Mr. George
Developed some odd habits
Like hopping and twitching
He acts like some rabbits

If petting large toads
Causes warts to appear
If it's true college freshman
Drink really cheap beer

Why my dog runs and hides
When a fowl word I spew
And why my wife's cooking
Oddly tastes like mud stew

How to kill all the rotten
Little microbes in the showers
My feet itch like crazy
And I scratch them for hours

Why some dorm dwellers
Are the messiest lot
Hiding things in their rooms
That eventually rot

Why college faculty avoid students
Like they had the flu
And often turn up missing
When there's something to do

Are there really monsters
Down under my bed
But my wife lying next to me
Scares me lots more instead

Why my wife seems to choose
To keep me so long
Must be the special dance I do
In my black leather thong

Can solving the world's problems
Happen by just caring more
About the people around me
Even politicians I deplore

If being more positive
Is really that possible
Wow! It surely would make
Me rather unstoppable

But I'm certain that family
And the folks around me
Are the most important thing
On this earth that I'll see

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