Sure, we have cats. It's my wife's idea. Personally, I don't call scooping litter box treasures a good time. These sinister felines wait until I'm snug asleep before stealthily planting themselves on my ADHD legs. They don't get near my wife and here's why; Energy. I emit tons of conductive heat energy whereas my wife is as frigid as Antarctica.
Energy is all around and abused by folks with brains bigger than my cats' pea-sized craniums. Just the other day, this side-by-side refrigerator brute, capable of crushing full beer cans on his forehead, left a local bank using the "handicap automatic custom deluxe" door openers. Yep, the ones that simultaneously open the doors and reduce the energy effectiveness air-lock entries to zilch.
Also quite impressive are the able-bodied folks riding elevators like a Disney World's "Magic Journey to the Third Floor." Desperate for the adrenaline rush as the lift screams up the three stories at the breath-taking speed of a neutered sloth.
Fortunately, this is America and we, the people, have the insatiable right to consume energy however we see fit without risk of persecution or urinary tract infections. Use it we do as today's fuel guzzling Americans suck up over 115 times what Benjamin Franklin did - and he invented the electric toothbrush.
Energy takes on many forms but, by far the most addictive is electricity. Electricity comes to us through a secretive process of corporate conglomerates, miles and miles of distribution lines (mostly in Wyoming), and wires hiding in buildings' walls - harboring enough power to fry a bathtub full of banana slugs.
Typically electricity is created in another state with the bunch of hell-bent electrons heading down a wire at the speed of middle schoolers when they hear "homework." Alternating current (AC) screams down the power lines and into homes. These electrons go back and forth every split second until so dizzy they puke in public restrooms. AC enables power companies to charge for power while never actually supplying any and works ok for your average "Magic Fingers" bed vibrators. Direct current (DC) is preferred by those electronic gadgets we've come to love like 72" plasma TVs and the little weather station guy my wife likes to watch undress. DC electrons only go one way, without any hope of rehabilitation or parole.
Now pay attention! Push the automatic door button, electric motors cause the doors to move. Push the 3rd floor button, some magical electrical thingy happens causing the elevator to move. Push your licked fingers in a wall outlet while sticking your head in a toilet bowl and, you're dumber than a fence post.
It's fairly obvious at this point electrical energy comes to us through sophisticated means, as frightful an exhibition of greed and corruption as the last national elections. But my point is - most energy costs a price we can't repay. Not the automatic door guy, the elevator folks, or even Bill Gates, who, as far as I know, doesn't even know how to make Belgium waffles.
The sad truth is, most energy we use originates as fossil fuels - dead dinosaurs, Twinkies, and prehistoric plant life buried over millions of years. Fossil fuels are running out. Maybe not before the next Bush-led war against "terrorist infested" countries like Greenland - but the supply is limited.
So what's the solution? Conservation! A Latin based word meaning; "Stop using the dang energy-hungry gadgets if you don't need to!" Conserving energy is the only positive impact on our energy needs. It's not about finding more, using different kinds, or replacing deodorant soap with small hermit crabs. Even bio-converters capable of burning trash bags of biologically-charged Huggies at the temperature of Hell - aren't as effective as conservation.
Do your part with some of these conservation enriching activities:
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out, if its energy you're using and you don't need to - then don't. Bill Cosby probably said it best, "A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice."
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