Who are YOU?

No, this isn't the real survey, but read it anyway!!

Pick the answer for each statement below that best depicts your personality. When installing a new roll of toilet paper it should roll:

1. off the bottom.
2. off the top.
3. who cares, as long as there's some within reaching distance?
4. in a neat spiral pattern from where it sets on the floor.

When walking past someone on the sidewalk:

1. make eye contact and smile.
2. make eye contact, smile, and say a pleasant greeting.
3. avoid eye contact at all costs and fumble around like you're trying to get something out of your pocket.
4. lightly bump into him/her while extracting any keys, billfolds, currency, or credit cards you might find.

If a disagreement is created with a close acquaintance, you should:

1. listen and try to see the other person's point.
2. agree to a compromise and move ahead.
3. tell the other person he/she is a frog-sucking moron while making suitable gestures.
4. be silent but scheme how you will get revenge when it is least expected.

When you stand naked in front of a mirror:

1. you modestly survey your physical appearance.
2. you're pleasantly satisfied with your recent weight loss.
3. you ask your significant other to "come here" so you can show off your physique by flexing your muscles.
4. there's no way on God's good earth that you're going to stand naked in front of a mirror.

If given a new task at work, you:

1. willingly accept the job.
2. accept the job but do it the way you want - not the way you've been told.
3. look it over as if you're interested but pawn it off on someone else.
4. set it on the "to do" pile and quickly get back to the eBay auction that's ending in three minutes.

The concession worker gives you a partially full bag of popcorn so you:

1. accept what's given you and quickly walk away dejected.
2. pleasantly ask for him to add a little more.
3. ask sarcastically if there is the same shortage of popcorn as there is intelligence in concession workers and demand more.
4. point out what looks like a cockroach running on the back floor and while he's looking swipe a candy bar - to, you know, make up for the popcorn.

Which one of the following would best identify how your friends would describe you?

1. retrospective and analytical.
2. outgoing and vocal.
3. obnoxious with a bent for creating chaos in organized situations.
4. nonconformist cynical headstrong but caring and emotional at times.
5. what friends!?

Pick one of the following that is a pleasant activity you enjoy:

1. reading a good book.
2. watching a sporting event on TV.
3. having a colonoscopy.
4. recalculating your 2003 taxes.
5. watching a houseful of youngsters, 5 years old and younger, open Christmas gifts.

A minor character flaw you have is:

1. not always listening well to what others are saying.
2. becoming defensive when someone questions your authority or calls you a silly repugnant fool.
3. always having to sit with your back to the wall when at a restaurant.
4. shooting your PPS 43 WWII Russian Submachine Gun in your basement while wearing your authentic NY swat underwear - without ear protection.

You try to keep your body healthy by:

1. eating healthy food and exercising.
2. taking a regiment of vitamin supplements.
3. actively watching people walk past your office window.
4. practice a compliment diet: beer + pizza, beer + tacos, beer + spaghetti, beer + Captain Crunch, beer + beer, etc.

One of the values you hold most dear is:

1. proper nutrition for all people.
2. closing the lid when you're finished.
3. finding loving homes for all abandoned chihuahua/pit bull mix dogs.
4. chemical castration for really stupid people like the guy who cut you off the other day when you were entering the parking lot of Uncle Bob's Bar and Live Bait Farm.

There really are no correct answers to the test, but if you answered A to all of them you're a real sick person. For the "actual" Who Are You? activity go here.